FAQ: Shorter answers to your questions.
What should I wear?
Emanu-El is a fairly casual synagogue, in line with the general ethos of our West coast city. There’s a good chance you’ll see people wearing jeans and t-shirts; we will be dressed up to celebrate this special day, but we generally do not dress up for shul (Yiddish for synagogue).
What are appropriate gifts?
Avi likes gifts, but gifts are not at all necessary. If you would like to mark the occasion with a donation, Avi would be particularly honoured by a donation to OceanWise or any climate charity of your choice. Other donations options include donations to our historic synagogue, Congregation Emanu-El, or to the Central Middle School Music Program (via etransfer to cmpa.victoria.treasurer@gmail.com). (Note that OceanWise and Congregation Emanu-El provide tax receipts for charitable donations, but the CMPA cannot.)
What do I do with my kids if they can’t sit still?
Children get a LOT of leeway in a synagogue.
We will be providing child care from 10-12 in our downstairs play room. If you are comfortable leaving your child with one of our excellent care providers while you enjoy the service upstairs, you’re very welcome to do so. Alternatively, you and your child can alternate together between the play area and the sanctuary depending on their needs.
You’re also welcome to bring toys or books to occupy your child while in the sanctuary- just nothing electronic. When our kids were young we sometimes brought along puzzles and other toys; when they were a bit older they would sometimes bring along a book of their own choosing to read during services. (Somehow the prayer book didn’t fully capture them- go figure.)
Bottom line: no one expects a child to sit still for 2+ hrs while listening to prayers in a foreign language. Sit, stand, walk around, go downstairs, go outside, bring toys - anything and everything is totally ok when it comes to engaging your child, and we are just always so glad to enjoy adorable kid energy at shul.
What synagogue etiquette do I need to know?
Here are some basics:
No clapping, please. The religious service is not considered a performance, so clapping is not appropriate. There will be some moments for cheering, though! Follow the crowd on that one.
Please don’t use your phone or take photos while in the synagogue. This includes making or taking calls, texting and “checking” for notifications.
If you do need to use your phone, feel free to use it in the ‘social hall’ which is the big room that you enter into before entering the sanctuary.
Please avoid loud conversations (whispers are fine) while in the sanctuary.
All that said: please do not worry that you’ll do something wrong. Our synagogue is truly a warm and welcoming place, and no one will be judging you. We are here to enjoy time together, pray, reflect, and celebrate Avi.
Where should I sit during the synagogue service?
Feel free to sit anywhere you want in the sanctuary. There is no assigned seating. Some families with young children like to sit up in the balcony so that their kids get a birds-eye view, and the balcony tends to have more room for rambling. That said- you are welcome to sit anywhere that is comfortable for you. Don’t be shy about sitting near the front, there will not be any spontaneous audience participation, promise!
I’m worried I won’t know what’s going on in the service. What do I do?
Elisheva, our wonderful gabbai (volunteer prayer leader), will periodically give page numbers to tell you where we are in the prayer book. If you’re still a little lost, just ask the person next to you what’s going on and what page we are on. If you have a short question about a particular prayer or custom, feel free to ask that as well. If you’re truly lost, do what I do: turn to a random page and find something interesting to read while the service carries on!
I can attend the synagogue service but not the party/I can attend the party but not the service. Is that okay?
Of course! Come to whatever portion makes sense for you- just let us know. It is also absolutely okay to have some members of your family at both events and some at only one event.
What time should I arrive?
Synagogue services begin at 9am. Very, very few people arrive that early. Avi’s portion will begin closer to 10:15–-feel free to arrive around then. Don’t worry if you’re later - you can enter anytime. Services end around 12:15, and a light lunch will follow directly after services.
What is a Tallit/Tallis and can I wear one?
A Tallit (Hebrew) or Tallis (Yiddish) is sometimes called a “Jewish Prayer Shawl.” It is a fringed garment that looks like a scarf. You’ll see most Jewish men and many women wearing them at the synagogue. The tallit has special twined and knotted fringes known as tzizit attached to its four corners.
If you’re Jewish you’re welcome to bring you own or borrow one from the synagogue. If you’re not Jewish, you would not wear a tallis . Either way, no one will expect you to wear a tallit or ask you to wear one while there.
Do I have to wear one of those little hats on my head, too?
At most synagogues, it is customary for all males to wear a kippah (also called a yarmulka in Yiddish) at all times as a sign of respect- whether they are Jewish or not. Don’t worry if your toddler or young child can’t (or won’t) keep one on their head, children always get a pass on this stuff. You don’t need to bring a kippah- there will be a basket of them at the entry to the sanctuary when you arrive, and you can take yours home as a souvenir! Traditionally, married women also cover their heads. At Emanu-El, most women wear a kippah or head covering, but it is not mandatory. Hats are fine, but larger hats with big brims are not worn to avoid blocking others’ views.
Sitting and Standing
There is a lot of standing and sitting down in a synagogue service. You may also notice some bending and bowing and a little swaying. Those with mobility issues and children under 13 are not expected to follow these stand-up/sit-down customs. If you’re over 13 years of age and able-bodied, just stand and sit when the majority do so, and you’ll be fine. You’ll also get some direction from the Rabbi for when to sit or stand.
Wait a second, is Avi the B’nai MItzvah or is the ceremony the B’nai MItzvah?
Excellent question! The answer is - both. On June 27th, Avi will be THE B’nai Mitzvah. That is they will become an adult in the eyes of the Jewish community. The event is ALSO referred to as “Avi’s B’nai Mitzvah.” You will hear both usages of “B’nai Mitzvah” at the service. You may also hear the ceremony referred to as a “B’mitzvah.” As Judaism continues to evolve around gender equality and a more expansive language, synagogues are experimenting with using less gendered language to refer to the ceremony.
Can I take pictures?
No pictures please. Taking photos is not allowed on Shabbat.
How do you pronounce B’nai Mitzvah? Also what does Mazal Tov mean?
Great questions!
The pronunciation is “Bih-Nay-MITTS-vuh.” And means children (B’nai) of the commandments.
“Mazel tov” is a traditional expression, that literally translates to “good (tov) luck (mazel),” but actually means “congratulations.”
At the B’nai Mitzvah you will hear people say this to Avi, but also to their parents, grandparents and to each other. The accomplishment of becoming a B’nai Mitzvah is not Avi’s alone. They have been carried and supported by their community, family and friends for their entire life. Therefore we all deserve to be congratulated!
That’s it!
If you’re feeling especially nerdy and want EVEN MORE details on any of what you’ve read here, click on this link for more information.
See you soon! If you have other questions, please feel free to ask us.